im burning with a feverrrr.
haha,last time i check my temperature was 38.7.
it doesnt seem to fall actually until i eat this medicine
its pink and it looks like skittles.
it makes me sweat like a piggg!
like seriously uhhh! ;D

i was given 2 days MC.
and im considering not to have PE as yes, im still sickkkk.
and you know being all hot makes me uncomfortable.
because everywhere i touch gets hot.
and thus, i get uncomfortable.

i cant even sleep well last night.
i was all tossing and turning and i cant really define
what is hot and clod.
because i feel neither hot nor cold.
despite being in an air-conditioned room. D:

im praying that i will get better because im missing lessons.
and i miss my class and girlfriends ;D

ECHAAAAA SAYS "HELOOOOO!"
she now knows how to posing posing at the camera already.
im gonna selitselitkan gambar my baby around this post oke?
haha, so you people would giggle how she has a potential to be a superrrr model.
oke,perasaaaaaan.

after the post previously,
many actually bombard me with questions and
"are you okeh s" and "cheerrr up"
i really really really really appreciate it.
namely, sofiaaaa nadhilahhh and umarrudin. <3
and nadhirah who comforted me when i broke down last friday.
its nice having great lovely friends. ;D



this morning,when i woke up at 8:30 am.
and my morning went like this.

sister: hanna, gothika (my hamster) hilang tau
hanna: whaaa... huhhh?
sister: tika hilang,cage jatuh,xenon(my other hamster) aja dapat jumpa.
hanna: alaa, macam mana bole jatuh?
sister:entaaaah
hanna: ohhh...

then i went back to sleep.
because i was very sleeeeepy ;D


when i woke up.
then i started to feels orry for Gothika.
because he was a nice and very obedient hamster.
why must he go too sooon D:
so,i was devastated.
and crushed.

hours later, my sister came to my room and said that
Xenon, gave birth,to triplets.
cute tinyyy ones.
i dont know how to feel.
im wasnt happy, i wasnt sadd.
just,neutral.
th daddy went, and then come the children.
family drama betul la mereka!
kalah manusia ;D

anakanak dia kesian,anak yatim.
abe the mum,single mum.
she looks caring.
lets hope she wont kill her babies.
like my other hamsters did.
cruel benaaaar! ;D

so i,solely came up with a few scenarios that might happen to their rumah tangga
or put in simpler english term, marriage. HAH! wahh,da jadi macam CSI gituuu ;D



first case: since Xenon was always bullying Gothika. my dear Goth cannot stand it. so they fought, worst then ever before. so Goth, slammed himself against their house also known as the cage causing it to fall, well too much of a strength. go build it up kot. them he took that chance to fleeeee, far away from Xenon, maybe he misses a step or two. he fell down my balcony. or even commit suicide. tsk tsk.
second case: after their marriage, they stayed together. and thus they make love, duhhh! so a few months later, Xenon found herself pregnant. not one but three babies. they were overjoyed. and stick together like glueeee. but we dont feel happiness forever. agreed? Goth later got fired or maybe got pay cut resulting to him not being able to support the family later on. like who is going to afford the milk and food of the children. education and expenses. thus, he got depressed. and every morning,he will go to the door of th house and stood up, thinking,in deep thoughts. so when Xenon is about to give birth, Goth panic as he might not afford the bills later on that he slammed himself against their house and causes it to fall. and since he is confuse he just miss a step or two and fell down my balcony or commit suicide.

third case: i think, its the wind theat causes the cage to fall. and thus, since Xenon is about to give birth, she fell and painfully, crawl towards my balcony door and stayed there while maybe Goth is trying to seek help but fell off my balcony.

forth case: Goth may still be in th house somewhere. maybe somehow,he managed to get himself out of th balcony. and somehow,i think theres some conspiracy going on between Goth and Echaaaa. because when i ask her, she just stayed still. guilt? imma make her speak up!

somehow i think case threee makes more logical sense than the rest.
still my condolences to the mum and babies. its oke, we will always be supporting you
no matter what,
you are not alone. ;D

oke this post is getting abit to farrrr.
post ini tak perluuuu! (:
pasal macam stepppp cuteeee,stop it uh (:

haha, still Gothika, if you are here somewhere.
please keluar. ;D
i miss yooo.

a few days before Gothika left?
i was having breakfast at th dining table before going to school.
their cage happen to be outside the balcony which means near th dining room.
and i saw Gothika standing still at the door.
not moving at all.
i stared at him.
its like,he's trying to tell me something.
and i was just wondering what was it.
but i know,i could be something baddd.
but i dont know it will really happen.
i should have thought of it.



haha, told yooo my Echaaaaaa baby will make it to become a Top Model. ;D
wahh,better start training her.
hahaaha! ;D
somehow,she know when i was going to take a picture of her.
how cute this that?!

haha.
im blogging to much already.
haha, byeees.
and now
for my picture! ;D
asyik gambar Echaaaa aja!
aku pun nak glamour.

checkkkk out th hair mannn! ;D

and to syarifah syazanatul aisyah and umarrudin.
GET WELL SOOOOOON! :D

well,maybe god have his own way to show how much he care for us,does he?
he works in many ways indeed,
and i love him so much.
he knew times when i need someone the most.
and he would simply just help me find a way out.
like gathering all my courage together to talk to someone.
or someone would talk to me.
or me and someone would simply cross each others path.
he knows simple things like this
makes a hell great difference to my life.
it just banishes this feeling of missing someone
at a split second.
i wasnt expecting much.
seconds will do.
and he really does listen to my prayers.

and that someone,will always be in my prayers.

if people starts to put high hopes on you.
and you cant bare to let them down again.
because all yr life,your life,
you're just another disappointment.
no matter how hard you try to change.
no matter how hard you push on, you
can never be the girl they will
held up high and claim that im worth it.
its superrrr hard to face failures.
and god knows how hard i tried to choke back tears
every single time i fail.
every single time i fall.
every single time i become a source f disappointment.
i hate failing,because it just aint me.
i have always wanted to be the best,but i dont want to
showcase my ego.
im sick of being a disappointment to people,especially my parents.
when they hope so much for me.
i pressure myself more,because i dont want them to shed a tear on me.
enough already with all the sacrifices they made for me.
now i want to show then that i can do it,maybe better.
i want to be this girl whom people look up to
this girl people is proud of.
i dont want to have another setback,
i really want to do my best.
but im tireddd now.
im really tired.
tired of trying my best to impress.

there aint gonna be another letdown.
imma face this alone.
and make it happen.
once and for all.

again, i've been in deepdeep thoughts lately.
and i just at times,need space to breathe.
with all my schedule so jam packed, i can hardly consider my future options.
as badly as i want to go to SP and get to a course of my choice,
i dont know it its really that im after.
or should i go after my passion,
culinary skills, baking,catering.
SHATEC?
what about TP?

im confuse.
we shall see the outcome.
one im done and over with o levels.
when im holding on to the result slip.
when i look at my score.
then i shall question my options again.
for now,maybe.
i should just strive to impress.

im mentally tired.
that i could just die.
seriously.

plus, trying to clear my mind
have been a chore for me.
well,lately,that is.
i've been thinking too much lately.
but the strange thing is.
um.
i've gain another level of self-esteem.
its like,i dont think countless times before making a comment.
i could just talk.
bam,i can talk!
just relate with people.

i dont know what to describe my life now.
im coping, at the same time im struggling.
dang!
what is this feeling?

i prefer to just stay within my thoughts.
rather than opening up and let people know what i've been thinking.
come to think of it.
i've been hiding stuffs from my friends.
i'd rather keep some stuff to myself.
i just,
*sighs.
dont want to talk about this.

i just need a little time alone for myself.
and at the same time,i dont want to get too emotional.
well,this post is already emotional enough.

realise?
not even a single ':D'

cant take it anymore.
i just want to screaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
scream my lungs out,till my throats bleed. till the tears fall.

i just want to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
away from everything, i dont want to stop,
faster and faster and faster, falling out of reality.

i just want to cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
till everything's over and my heart feels lighter
like the weight on my shoulders have been lifted.

impossible?

i just need a hug, it will mean so much to me right now.
just to tell me im not going psycho and things are fine.
im just thinking wildly too much.

and to someone,
im constantly wondering
if you are oke right now.
i want to catch up with you.
theres just so much i want to tell you.
will we be able to speak like before?
but now,i feel like i need you to just hear my shits.
and i want to hear yours.

i read this girl's blog.
though she's just a friend or schoolmate
or whatever.
reading her rants about life.
somehow made me teared a little?
whoa, life and great expectations
they sound simple.
but,hah.
imagine the whole world realying on you to save the world.
its like having the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.
girl,cheer up.
i know, easier said than done.

three words.
thats it oke?

TAPESTRY WAS AWESOMEEEEEEEE SHIT! ;D

oke,thats four.
nice music.
nice people.
nice day ;D

i haddd funnn!

thnks umarrudin anddd sister ;D
hahaha!

i was lateeee.
but we made it there.
first to One Fullerton (?)
abestu, me ngan umarrudin made our way to Ngee Ann there
because his sister were there already.
the bands are cool awesome shit mann ;D
haha.

i was mesmerized. ;D
went dinner after that with umar sahajaa.
thought of going par east plaza but in th end got lost somehow
and got so tireddd of walking.
so we ended up at MacD.
but there not even a single seat. D:
hidup punya la sedihh!
so,we take away abe beli Mccafe andddd sat near taka and eaaaat.
haha.

umarrudin and ayuni gerekkk plus kekek gilaaa bodooo ;D
haha,and the day was really nice but tiring (:
didnt bother to take alot of photos.
because i think today is gonna be in memory like foreverrrrrrrrr.

so here are pictures.
and i dont bother to edit ;D
dont bother too much about the pictures.
me ngan umarrr ajaaa,
pasal segaaaan. ;D
chehhhhhhh stepppppppp!












haha, best friends make everything happen.
best friends make living worthwhile ;D
lifeeee sure is greattt! (:

some poeples ask me go this blog la.
abe kan ada gambar orang cry abe amik gambar nangis
macam shiok sendiri.
abe muka mintak kena smacking sehhh.
oke,im being mean now.
shut up.

andddd.
HAPPY ONE MONTHSARY to Q&A ;D
you know who you areee!

it seems like yesterday
we were folding paper hearts
and twisting tissues to roses.

it seems like just last night
we were staring into the sky
wishing on every single star.

time flies fast.
and every moment was a memory.
a pain yet the most beautiful memory
of all my life.

we can blame nobody.
the heart shuts itself to love.
and things get different.
and loving gets painful.

aint another salve for this pain.
distance are boundaries.
pain is joy.
tears are laughters.

its confusing.
its contradicting.
how do i move on from here.
and learn to take another step,
this time without you.

we're strangers to each other's presence.
and we were like nothing.
and i like the way it should be.

we cross each other's path.
and my heart will beat so fast.
it feels so alive.
and i like the way your presence make
my heart feel so foreign.

you're one of a kind.
and i like they way we are.
but it aint easy.
somehow i think.
you're hard to be replaced.

strangers then dust,hanna.
<3

i wrote a new song.
haha, the lyrics are obvious aint it.
i love how it sounds.
nice.

6 months.
it has been 6 months surviving without you.
i'd never thought i'd ever made it this far.
but i really did.
on my own.
6 months ago, i make myself believe i cnt move on.
but now, im taking each step slowly.
i ownder what will happen 6 months later,
in the future.
<3

a thousand different lies
i create
to contradict my love/hatred
i have had for you.

its fcuking hard to let go and forget the past.
but i will learn,soon one fine day.
i just,
miss you.

nevermind,forget it.

i miss baking like so so so so so muchhh! D:
haha, since majors are on the way hereee.
i can hardly find time to bake anymore.
awe~

i've been having school form 7:45am all the way to 9pm every single day
except for tuesday.
because there arent night classes.
lifes a teeny weeeny bit stressful
but i know.
its worth it.
once in a life time,working so hard like fuggg! ;D
im having a nice kick start on revision.
and suddenly, i love studying.
oke,i will be lying if i say i love it COMPLETELY
because most of the time
after studying all my brain juice all drained out.
and im mentally exhausted at the end of th day.
this goes on until majors.
not like i care so much anyway.

i have a current addiction like right now
latest best digs everrrrr! ;D
i develop a superpowerful interest on
SATANISM. <3
and yes,that includes all those
witchcraft, voodoo,demons, cults.
e t c.

weird huh? ;D
so.
dark?
jyeaaa,but well.
i have been reading up alot on them.
and even bought a book that is based on a true story.
Pig Island by Mo Hayder.

wont be updating regularly.
so check in for updates every now and then.
because i might just pop in :D
LOVES!

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. "
-Henri Nouwen

things got messed up somehow.
but tis time, i think.
its me.
well, babe you arent at fault.
shouldnt have brought it up in th first place.
so im guilty fr making you like this.
babe,im sorry.
its just that i feel like im losing you.
im sorry.

*sighs.
i seriously feel i messed up everything
and that sometimes things just hang on the line
and you dont know what to do
because if you take another step you will fall
and if you dont,
you'll still fall.

fuggg life now.
all i want is
to get back what i used to have now
that is snached away from me.
and i miss one-on-ones.
yes,im jealous.
but i feeel unattended. D:

anyway yesterday,i was late fr night class.
because firstly i woke up late.
and secondly AN( its a name, not 'an') haha.
anyway and told me to wait fr him and in th end he cnt make it
so i ended up lepakkk ngan budaks ITE. ;D
oh and they are his friends?
haha, gerekk la k?
bole la tahan and the magic trick was awesomeeee. ;D
siaakkkk eh kau, AN!

anyway.
preparation for O levels is doing fine
though i have a lot to catch up on! D:
but i know i can make it.

but now,im starting to question my options.
i baddddly wanted TOURISM AND RESORT MANAGEMENT
but on a second thought
i think i can do much more better in FOOD SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY,CATERING?
or better SHATEC?
im totally confused.
i loveeee public relations dealing with people and all.
but fooooood coooking bakinggg all those are my passion.
help?

i miss someone.
really much right now.
though we talked like last week?
or last two weeks?
but someone is busy.
and i cnt bring myself to talk to someone.
and it irritates me.
because at times.
i can just sit and stare at people
but my mind,thinks of someone.
hey youuu, i miss you.
talk soon?

and fr my only bby,my lover,my sayang,my all,my world.
babe,you know who you are.
im so sorry.
but i just want the YOU back.
i miss yr presence.
i love you. <3

shit,i messed up.